"Rest in peace my man, 2Pac... Even though I know you're Not dead cause we was chillin' last weekend in Cuba"

"New Year, new me... new beginnings I got some resolutions but who am I kiddin’? I ain’t doin’ sht differently this year from last Except become an even bigger, fatter, lazy ass”

"It’s Thanksgiving and I’m crushin' everything at the table Some turkey, stuffing, even my Aunt Mabel I told my Uncle Ray don’t get in my fckin’ way, bro Now I’m dippin’ him in some gravy and mashed potato”

"With the summer comin’ everyone is gettin’ they body ready I’ma do the opposite and eat a pot of spaghetti A lotta peanut butter and jelly I ain’t tryin’ to slim down, I’m tryin’ to widen my belly Don’t need a fckin’ barbell, I got bars myself That carry mad weight so I gotta be heavy And I promise ya, B, that when I look like a blob on the beach Your broad will be slobbin’ my meat"